Do you ever talk to a friend who has the flu but is acting like she has a serious ailment and think, "That girl could have NEVER crossed the plains with the pioneers!"?
Do you read people's blogs who have only three kids, but they act all overwhelmed by their "busy" lives and think, "Man up, woman!"?
I know. Me, too! People are such complainers. I could tell stories...
Well, today I read this quote by nurse theorist Margo McCaffrey. I don't know what a nurse theorist does, but the title sounded fancy enough to give credence to her quote. And I love the name Margo. Pocket's name was almost Margot. So there you have it - instant credentials. Ms. McCaffey stated, "Pain is whatever the patient says it is, and exists whenever they say it does." I believe that whole-heartedly. Sincerely.
I submit to you that being busy is like being in pain. (And since I said, "I submit to you" that makes it super official and you have to agree with me.) If someone thinks they're busy, they are. If they think their life is complicated, then it is. If your friend says that they can't do __ because they just have too much on their plate, then they probably do. When we compare our lives to others in an attempt to make ourselves feel smarter or more accomplished, it's not fair to either of us. My new goal is to not be annoyed by people who *I* think shouldn't feel overwhelmed. (My goodness, I need to stop being annoyed by people at all and move on to a shiny, happy place. I also need to stop using so many paranthesis in this post.)
But truly, I do get annoyed sometimes when people with only one child complain about being tired or overwhelmed. I think, "My goodness, I would love to only have ONE person in this whole world to be concerned about. I would love to only have ONE heart to worry about breaking, only ONE little future to fret over, ONE health problem to cry about, or ONE person waking me up every night." But I remember having only one, and I remember being overwhelmed by those feelings and responsibilities. It was real. I wasn't a wimp. I was trying my hardest and it was still a difficult yoke to bear. And people like My Tracy, who had more kids than me, were still so kind and sympathetic to my issues.
Our lives change, our priorities shift and our perspectives alter. The point that we are at in that journey doesnt negate the value or weight of our previous situations. I need to remember that and be more charitable. Sometimes, I'm a brat you know.
That is a good reminder for me. I hate when I hear someone complain about their ONE kid!!! Since I never just had just one child, it seems like it would be such a piece of cake! Everything is all relative...:)
ReplyDeleteIt's a fantastic reminder! I remember how life was when I had one kid. My life revolved around her. I tried so hard to relate to other women...and most around me had a kid my age, then a few older too. And for whatever reason, we could just never click. Looking back, I am sure I can see why...because my life revolved around my one. I didn't get yet what it was like to have older kids, to have more than one kid. But having one was hard. Having one was lonely at times because I couldn't yet relate the "bigger" family life. Not that 2 is really bigger....but it's just different. I could have learned so much from those women, but they never really gave me a chance because I "just had one." We are so lucky to have our families at whatever stage they are in. We're lucky to have each other to help us through. How lucky we are have sisters and friends to go the road together. No matter the stage, we're all important, and all our experiences are important. And we are no less or more of a mother based on the ages of our kids. A mother is a mother, and that is a gift in and of itself. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeletei don't have any problems with my child/family, so i can't relate to these issues you are speaking about.
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