FedEx Fever

I remember being really deprived as a child. I remember wanted things like $100 Barbie dream houses and my mean parents telling me "No." And you know those commercials for free ridiculous stuffed animals if you buy a certain amount of Hallmark cards? I never got those. Not one. For realz. I had a really hard childhood.
My kids have this Grampa who likes to buy them lots of ridiculous things. He seems so familiar to me for some reason, in fact he looks just like my dad. But he can't be my dad, because my dad would never do the crazy things their Grampa does. You see, this Grampa buys those ridiculous stuffed animals for my kids. Two years ago, he sent them two adjoined monkeys that have magnets in their mouths for Valentine's Day. When their mouths come together, they make kissing noises and say, "I love you!" I'm not sure what Hallmark was thinking, or their Grampa for that matter, but these monkeys are insane. Randomly, I'll hear the loud smooshing noise and sob, "Where was this toy when I was little? Why didnt my dad buy me this ridiculous toy with annoying noises?" I dont think he loved me as much as my kids' Grampa loves them. It's true. Sad, but true.
For the last two Halloweens, their Grampa has sent them a small cardboard coffin filled with gummy candy shaped like eye balls and severed fingers. They love it. I never got stuff like that when I was little.
Their Grampa also sends them donuts in the mail. No, not packaged donuts wrapped up tight in a factory seal. He overnight expresses them fresh donuts. Each year, he takes them to get donuts after they drop off their produce at the county fair. We werent able to visit him this year during fair time, but he went to the donut store anyways, bought them donuts and we got them the next day. My kids dont see anything odd about this. But I've learned that unless I want them to have candy or donuts right away, to open his packages in private.
I wish I had a dad like that. *deep sigh*