Unconditionally Ours: in my genes

I had the need to write a few cards this week. Instead of making any, I took the easy way out and bought them. One of them was a really nice card and I underlined some of the words.

The moment I did it, I realized that I was becoming my Gramma.

I have scores of cards that she's sent me throughout the years with underlined passages. Seeing those underlined sentiments always made me feel like she had picked the card specifically for me. When she started to send cards to my kids and also underlined passages for them, I felt that she was really trying to connect with them.

Gramma doesn't send cards anymore. She's not a place in her life where it's possible, so instead we chat on the phone. She leaves me funny messages on my voice mail or shouts "SARAH!!!" jubiantly when I call her. I like that.

She always tells me that I'm a good mom and she doesn't know how I do it. I remind her that she had more kids than I do, a husband who wasn't the type to help around the house and a full-time job. She discounts those added responsibilities and insists that she could never measure up to the stellar job I'm doing. Even though I don't believe her, I appreciate her telling me that. I usually need to hear it.

When I was little, she had a red Pinto. I thought it was the coolest car in the world. How funny is that? Then she upgraded to a used car with the license plate "1MAN411." She never changed it. LOL. I love that woman.

By the time I was five, she taught me my first swear word, "$&#* fire, Martha!" HA HA HA. My mom loved it when I would say it.

She used to be a cook and had to buy supplies for the kitchen, so she always had huge wads of cash. I thought that was amazing and that she must have been very, very rich. HA! Little did I know.

When I was at university, I washed dishes in the cafeteria to pay my bills. I wanted to stop, so I took a job my sophomore year cashiering at the cafeteria instead. However, it didnt pay as much, because the hours were shorter. I was $40 shy of my rent one month and was telling Gramma how stressed I was about it. She sent me the money the next day. I hadn't asked her to, but I knew when I told her that she'd solve my problem for me. She's that kind of Gramma.

When I was really, really young, Gramma was eating dinner with us and my dad played a joke on her. Half of us were shocked and the other half of us were dying of laughter. It was incredibly UNfunny to Gramma and she laid into him like white on rice, brown rice in Dad's case. =) I was soooooooooo tickled to see him get in trouble. I thought it was the funniest thing ever for a dad to get in trouble. Loved it.

When I lived near her in CA, I would go grocery shopping with her every week. Sunshine was a still a baby and Gramma would push her around in the shopping cart talking to her and opening packages IN the store to feed her. Then she would take us to lunch at Dairy Queen. I didn't even know Dairy Queen served food until then. LOL

Afternoons have always been hard for me, as a mother. I tend to be very sweet and productive until around 3pm. Then I really can't take the fits, crying, or complaining anymore. I tend to get a tad cranky =) When Scott was putting me through the Dark Days of 2005, I would call Gramma in the afternoon and cry. I knew that it bothered her. I knew she didn't want to hear me and a baby crying. I knew I was worrying her. But it was the only thing that kept me partially sane until my mom came to take care of us after she got off work. It was nice of Gramma to pretend to me that she was glad I had called for help.

When we went to visit her this summer, she let the kids rub on her chicken skin, play with her false teeth and pretend that her walker was a scooter. She bought them ice cream and ridiculous souvenirs from gift shops. She stayed up late at night and listened to their nonsensical stories.